Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

International Wave of Light

On October 15th, at 7 pm in each time zone, we light candles for the little ones gone too soon - be it through miscarriage, stillbirth, childhood illness, or other. In this way, we send a wave of light around the world in remembrance of our babies. They are never truly gone, as long as we remember them and celebrate them. 

The History

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month began in 1988, declared by Ronald Regan, who had in fact lost a child himself. Christine Reagan was born and passed on June 26, 1947.

"When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.  This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world.  It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes.

Now, Therefore, I, Ronald Reagan, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim the month of October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities.” - Ronald Regan.

Remembrance 

If you have lost a child and would like them remembered on our page, please message me on our Facebook page, or email me at katherinem@macaronikid.com and I would be honored to add their name to our list of those gone too soon, but never forgotten. 

My Story

Earlier this year, I opened up about losing my first daughter, Isabella Rose. She was my second child, and so beautiful! Her life and time here on earth with us was only 9 days. It was a very emotional and difficult decision, but I have always wanted to share her with the world, so that she may still touch other lives and make the world a better place. In this way, I remember, honor, and celebrate her. 

Shortly after, I announced my pregnancy in a newsletter- discovered on Mother's Day of this year. In a beautiful, emotional video, I let my husband know he was going to be a father again. Although we had our rainbow baby, our 3rd child, there was still an ache in us for a little girl. 

I have hesitated to share this, because it seemed so very much more personal and invasive, but while I was pregnant with another little girl, who my husband named Austin Rose, we were never able to bring her home. Very early in the pregnancy, we found out there was something wrong and my boys' little sister had 'taken a wrong turn and went to heaven instead', as I told them. Although our grief has been a very different process than losing before, it has been a very difficult process. 

There is a stigma attached to miscarriage. Although I am a very progressive and outspoken woman, I was still completely ashamed. I felt that I must have done something wrong. I did not want people to look at me and know that I was going through this, that I had lost ANOTHER child. I did not want to hear that it "happened for a reason" and there must be some "greater good". Luckily, I was able to see through testing just what happened, and it gave me some peace with losing my Austin Rose. 

You see, the two situations were very, very different. With my first loss, it was after I had my daughter. Her loss was completely unnecessary - had our concerns been listened to and appropriately addressed by the medical professionals we had trusted with her care, she would still be with us. Looking back, as I do just about every moment, it is easy to see when I should have not taken no for an answer and really believed in myself and my instincts. 

With my last daughter, there was an anomaly incompatible with life. My Austin Rose, had she had a heartbeat, would have suffered until ultimately her body gave up the struggle. My life would have been at risk to keep her, and she would have been in pain. Knowing that, and that my littlest lady never suffered, but was celebrated every moment - has helped me find some peace in my love for her. 

I share these two stories with you because my little ladies, through their very short lives, have taught me both that I need to stand up for myself, and my children. That I need to make myself heard, and I need to help other parents take those same steps, to follow their instincts and trust in their need to keep their child safe. When there is something you can do, you fight - and no one's going to warn you that you have to, so you come up swinging from the start. And they have also taught me, that sometimes there is nothing you can do but love, and let go.

 Please, if you feel like you have a medical professional that is not listening to you or taking your concerns seriously, I urge you to find one that will.

Please, if there is one thing you can do, it's kind to yourself. 

To my angels, 

-Momma loves you, my Roses -now, then, and forever. My love is so high, and so wide, and so deep - it's always right there, even when you're asleep.